the healing process
- Quoted from The Path of Tears:
- If someone is actively abusing you in the now, heal as much as you can and leave the situation without confrontation if possible. There is no need to fight with them, or try to get them to change their behavior. You may want to state your boundaries, and you may want to let them know that their treatment of you hurt you. But usually this just turns into an argument about what they did (or didn't do) or how wrong they are, or how crazy or wrong you are, etc. etc. It's usually best to just leave.
- There will be situations where you know the person who hurt you will never ask you for forgiveness. This is a source of pain in itself. The original thing they did that hurt you is one pain. But feeling like they don't care about your feelings enough to make it right with you is another heartbreak. Rage then wants to hammer on them, to make them see how they have hurt you, to make them CARE. But there may be times when you have to accept that they don't. Then, all you can do is cry your own hurt, and just let them go.
- The most important thing about forgiving others is -- you can't just choose to forgive. Forgiveness is a feeling. It's an absence of pain and anger and blame, but it's also acceptance and love and understanding. Forgiveness without these elements is not truly forgiveness. It's just lip service.
He got the final laugh. He went out of his way to hurt me at the end out of spite when he didn't have to. But I will be the bigger person and let it go. I understand that he may never realize or care if he hurt me, and there is nothing I can do to change that. I cannot change who he is or how he does things. The only thing I can do is take care of myself, accept the fact that this is the way it's going to be, and move on.
I never truly forgave him for all the terrible things he's done to me, and I'm sure he felt the same way. We did not love each other for who the other person were; we loved each other for who we thought they were. We tried so hard to change the other person and change for them that we lost sight of everything else in the relationship. The unspoken grudges and subconscious pain turned into resentment toward each other, never a healthy ingredient in any sort of relationship. I can only learn from this mistake and try my hardest to not let it happen again.
posted by Eunice @ 2:23 PM
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